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jcalba

Can I be Floppy ?

It's raining here 

I'm off in space 

I'm blobbing

I don't want to make sense right here right now 

Can I be floppy ? Can I be respected for whimsy ? 

I must make myself make sense to your pace in order to not cause distress ?

I hide myself because I don't want to be diminished by storylines that insinuate my ways are somehow wrong or shameful 

Even accidentally 

And then I resent "you all" /society for "making me" not be myself

For making it so hard to just exist, unadulterated 


Simultaneously I am the one that have to live with me as someone other than who I truly feel to be

I want to be more myself and freer and truer but I am used to editing in order to stay in the realm of unalarm /unjudged

So I don't have to then be with your assessments of me, knowing you think I'm lazy or have it too easy or don't know what I'm doing or haven't planned enough, or am a free loader, or naive, or doomed for failure because I haven't thought things through enough or am going to get hurt

Don't box me in ! I don't need your critique or instant judgements without knowing who I am or coming along for some days of life or getting to really know me







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